Introduction: What is the "Self"?

The concept of “Self” can be quite triggering for people who were denied the opportunity to safely explore and identify themselves in childhood. I’m sorry that experience was taken from you. 

There are lots of ways we can define “Self”. In Internal Family Systems, “Self” is the truest you, where your parts are separated and you experience the “8 C’s”: Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, Connectedness, and Compassion. While I like this definition, for the purpose of this blog I’m going to be a bit more vague in my definition: Self = whatever feels right to you.

Unpacking the Impact of Patriarchal and Colonial Systems on Self-Care

We all carry an innate wisdom, which is a fancy way of saying we all know ourselves quite well. It’s that feeling in your gut when something isn’t right or the way your body vibrates when you’re really excited. The Western world has worked hard at separating us from our Self, ironically, by having us focus on individualism. Patriarchal and Colonial ideals and systems that favour white and male priorities and experiences, have steered us towards a competitive, cognitive, and individualistic path. Self-care under these terms typically involves purchasing something, fleeting moments of joy, or performing an action because you think it’s what taking care of yourself means. I’m here to challenge that.

Going Deeper: Connecting Mind, Body, and Soul

I believe the first step to self-care is to shake off the discourses brought on by these systems and get real with who you are and what brings you rest, pleasure, and joy. This may look different for everyone: some gravitate towards meditation, others journal, some dive into movement, or spend time with their community. Whatever it is that brings you to a place where your body feels connected to your mind is a great start. From there, a further step to truly reach Self would be bringing your spirit and soul into the picture. For some, this involves a practice rooted in faith, and for others this may look like an invitation to bring your awareness to the present moment or enter a state of flow. In this state, whatever you’re doing seems to make time stand still - like an artist lost to their craft or an athlete zoned in on their game.

Once you’ve begun to explore your Self and tap into your intuition (or “gut feeling”), finding expressions of joy that resonate bodily and spiritually, you can begin to practice a deeper form of self-care.

The 8 Domains of Wellness for Holistic Self-Care

From this space of personal knowing, I like to consider the 8 domains of wellness: Physical, Spiritual, Emotional, Intellectual, Financial, Social, Occupational and Environmental. Self-care involves all of these areas and if any one is ignored for too long, it can start to impact our overall health and well-being.

Self-Care Ideas in each of the 8 Domains of Wellness

1. Physical Wellness: movement (e.g. dance, sport, yoga, etc.), massage, warm bath, cold shower

2. Social Wellness: setting clear boundaries in relationships, time spent with loved ones, caring for family, participating in a group activity (e.g. sports, concerts, congregations, etc.)

3. Spiritual Wellness: meditation, attending a ceremony, receiving a tarot reading, being present in the everyday simple things (like a morning coffee routine), spending time in nature

4. Financial Wellness: being aware of your income vs. expenses, intentional (rather than emotional) shopping, donating to a cause of meaning to you, setting SMART goals around investing or saving, taking a financial literacy course

5. Occupational Wellness: developing a work/life balance, receiving praise, taking on a reasonable challenge, blue blocker glasses/technology

6. Environmental Wellness: a quick tidy/clean, spending time outside, recycling, adding to a sense of safety/comfort in the spaces you occupy (e.g. work, home, commute, etc.)

7. Intellectual Wellness: reading, learning a new skill, engaging in critical thought, engaging in creativity-based tasks, watching a documentary, listening to a podcast 

8. Emotional Wellness: therapy, journalling, crying, singing, getting to know your parts, resting, practicing compassionate statements and affirmations

Maybe for you, a physical form of self-care truly is taking a nice long hot bath - there is no wrong here. However, I’m hoping to invite you to explore a more intuitive, deep, and intentional level of care that we can give to ourselves. Below are some very basic examples of possible self-care activities in each domain. Please keep in mind that we all have different access to space, including the space of our minds and bodies, so what might feel safe and relaxing for one person, could be painful or triggering for someone else. This is why we get clarity on our needs before we dive into someone else’s checklist for wellness - trust yourself, not some white lady writing a blog post.

Thank you for taking the time to read my words. Stories, sharing, and reading are incredibly important to me and this exercise to write a blog post for you was an act of self-care for me in some domains! I hope these words sparked something for you and that you carry that spark somewhere it can shine. You are worthy and deserving of love and care.

If the idea of Self is overwhelming, you’re in the right place. We have a wealth of compassionate therapists that will stand beside you while you explore this concept and search for clarity on what “Self” and self-care means for you - you’re not alone, and we’re here when you’re ready.