Before shifting careers to become a therapist, I spent nearly a decade as an academic advisor for university students. While the world certainly changed in that time, many common mental health concerns for students remained all too familiar year after year - fearfully high standards, overwhelm from having “too little time,” and worry about getting things “right.” 

You might expect tips here about time management, note-taking strategies, or study skills. Instead, in a back-to-school season typically feverish with urges for speeding up and self-improvement, let’s consider slowing down and self-compassion as important coping strategies during this time.

What simply makes you feel good? I mean deep down good in your body - what makes your breath ease and your shoulders relax? What makes you want to be still and undistracted so you can just be with that moment? It could be an activity, like yoga or biking. It could be a place, like a park or forest. It could be visual, like art or the way the light comes through your window in the afternoon. It could be listening to certain music, a particular scent, the feel of a loved one’s hand or arms around you, the heat of a soothing bath. Self-compassion is not only reactive, being kind to ourselves when things are tough. It can also be proactive, both allowing and reveling in momentary experiences that bring us that still, for-its-own-sake enjoyment.

It’s easy to say “just make time” for that goodness, but student life and back-to-school vibes encourage a go-go-go mentality. They urge us to get everything ‘on track’ and make sure we start on the ‘right foot.’ The trouble with such advice is that life doesn’t usually follow a neat track. 

Instead of an easy path where getting the first foot ‘right’ allows us to follow a simple straight path through a semester or school year, life is more like exploring rocky terrain. We need to be prepared to slow down, to assess our steps and choose our next turn. Vitally, we need to be prepared that sometimes we’ll have to backtrack or otherwise lose some time, because life’s path is not straight and smooth.

I suggest a strategy I call buffer time for self-compassionate scheduling. Buffer time means that however long we think something will take - an assignment, studying for a test, getting packed for a weekend trip - we use realistic estimates and then give ourselves more time than that. (As a graduate student, I set my own deadline for handing in every paper two days ahead of the instructor’s, and did so about 80% of the time.)

We often set ourselves up for stress and mental health struggles by attempting to ‘maximize’ our productivity. We assume we can finish assignments in the least amount of time possible, work as many shifts as possible, squeeze in time for socializing, and catch up on sleep ‘later’. When we do this, we do not allow space for life to happen, for those parts of the rocky terrain that are steep, slippery, and inevitable. We don’t allow space for our bodies to get sick and need recovery, for our friends and family to need us, for our minds and hearts to process the unexpected which is always a part of life. Any system set up so that it only works if everything goes according to plan is not a self-compassionate system.

Building in buffer time is not easy. It requires us to choose not to do everything, to let go of some expectations and resist the urge to ‘squeeze everything in’. It requires moving away from procrastination, and it requires grace for the reality of our beautiful, human brains. I often like to say that our brains are crock pots, not microwaves. Learning needs time to simmer and marinate, and the results when we try to ‘zap’ things into understanding are usually not as enjoyable, nourishing, or satiating.

Knowing our values and what is important to us can also help us make space for buffer time. One of my favourite Cleo Wade wisdoms is “Remember not to care about the things you don’t even care about,” from her book Heart Talk: Poetic Wisdom for A Better Life. Our human brains and hearts do not contain infinite space and energy to prioritize all things. Getting clear on what’s important to us allows us to make space for our values and joy, while letting go of the things we “don’t even care about,” but which we may feel pressured into caring about. When we remember that we don’t personally care about x/y/z (even if our family or friends do), it can help us cope with stress and decrease the number of items on our to-do lists. This in turn can open space for buffer time and for things we care about that bring us that deep down goodness.

If you identify with some of these self-care challenges, and struggle to create the space for buffer time, well-being, and self-compassion, you’re not alone. Talking with a counsellor or therapist can help you tap into new resources and discover your own ways forward. I’d be honoured to support you along that path. I’m currently offering low cost counselling and psyhotherapy for students. I may be able to help you identify a funding source that will cover all or some of your counselling fees. If I can’t find something affordable for you, I can also help connect you with services available at your school or in the community.

If you’re looking for a counsellor to help you take this step toward greater well-being and self-compassion get in touch with me today or have a look at my profile to learn about more about me and how I can help. I look forward to supporting you.

Here are some other helpful resources to support your mental health:

Good2Talk - free, confidential support services for postsecondary students in Ontario and Nova Scotia

BounceBack Ontario - a free skill-building program for the path to mental wellness, managed by the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA)

LGBTQ Youthline - free, confidential, non-judgemental and informed LGBTTQQ2SI peer support

Hope for Wellness Helpline - free, 24/7 support by phone or online for all Indigenous people

If you’re a student in London, Ontario, you may also wish to connect with:

Mental Health Services at Western University

Or Counselling and Accessibility Services at Fanshawe College

Photo by Avel Chuklanov on Unsplash