Trans allyship 101: 5 tips to get you started.
If you have a loved one, a coworker or a friend who is a member of the trans community, you may be wondering how to best support them. There are many ways that we as a society can and should make an effort to demonstrate support to transgender (or trans, meaning people who identify as a gender different than they were assigned at birth) individuals. It is essential for cisgender (or cis, meaning people who identify as the gender they were assigned at birth) allies to stand next to trans individuals in solidarity and to amplify trans voices.
Here are a few simple ways you can show up for and support trans folks:
1. Include your pronouns when introducing yourself.
For example, I would say, "My name is Dakota, and my pronouns are she and her." Introducing your pronouns normalizes the practice and demonstrates that you are a safe space for others to share their pronouns. This is an important step as a society towards not assuming someone’s gender based on appearance or other characteristics of how they present. If we all share our pronouns no one has to be singled out.
2. Ask individuals what their pronouns are and include asking for pronouns on an intake form.
Asking people for their pronouns as a standard practice is another way of moving away from assumptions of gender. Including this option on forms (instead of asking a person’s sex, which in most non-medical settings is irrelevant) also sends an important message that you want to be affirming of someone’s gender identity.
3. Respect and use the pronouns the person shares when referring to them, even when they are not around to hear you.
Being a good ally means affirming someone’s identity whether or not they are around. If someone misgenders them, correct them. If you make a mistake by using the wrong pronoun, quickly correct yourself without drawing attention to yourself or the error.
Some folks are gender fluid, so their pronouns may change over time. These folks may prefer you use gender neutral pronouns when they aren’t around or that you avoid pronouns and use their name instead. The only way to know is to ask and then respect the person’s choice. Pronouns are not always congruent with the gender that one identifies with. For example, someone may use he/him or she/her pronouns if they are non-binary (meaning they do not conform to the binary of male or female). Don’t ask folks to explain or justify why they’ve chosen certain pronouns, if they want you to know - they’ll tell you.
4. Use the name people present to you.
Whether it’s their legal name, whether it matches their ID, or whether it is the name others call them. Using an old name is called 'deadnaming' and it can be emotionally painful for trans individuals. In the process of transition (often called gender affirmation) some people try on different names before finding the right fit. Respect this process as it unfolds.
5. Avoid asking intrusive questions
It’s rude to ask people about sensitive matters relating to their body. Questions about surgeries, medical treatments, and sexual anatomy are intrusive and can bring up complex feelings for trans people. Unless you have a reason to ask (ie. as an intimate partner, a medical provider…etc.) best to respect common sense boundaries and not ask a trans person to provide you with this information. If you think you have a good reason to ask, start with asking for consent. “May I ask you more about your transition” is a good place to start, respecting that “no” is a reasonable response.
When having these conversations it’s also important to keep in mind that every trans person’s journey is uniquely their own. Some folks don’t engage in any medical or surgical treatment and their transition and affirmation process is no less valid.
Keep learning how to be a better ally:
As we see an increase in transphobia and violence towards trans people around the globe it’s important to continue to consider how we can be better allies to the trans community. These 5 tips are a good place to start, but it’s just a starting place. The good news is that you’re here and your getting started. It’s important to commit to ongoing learning and unlearning in this area to really become an effective ally. Demonstrating that you are empathetic and non-judgmental is essential to be an ally.
I am passionate about supporting trans and other 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals personally and professionally.You can find more information about me and what I have to offer on my profile. If you’d like to talk about how you can better support someone in your life, I’m here for you. Lets get started.
Here are some great resources to continue the learning:
How to Respect and Affirm Folks Who Use Multiple Sets of Pronouns
